Assume the Position Pt.3

Hey there my suga sweet readers! ya still with me?!

In Assume the Position, I challenged men to step it up and be men and following that in Assume the Position Pt2 I addressed the women and there roles <==== if you have read neither then you need to GETCHO LIFE catch up and come back to this one!

I went to an unsuccessful Christian event (not many Christians showed up <=== that's blog worthy) last week but me and my Girlz made the best of it and rocked out and a rapper named C-Straight [@CStraighttheone] said something that inspired this blog...he was rapping and all I heard was Assume the Position...it got me thinking *looks off into distance*

SO after clearing everybody else about what they need to do and what not, its about that time for Candi to bend it on ova, drop it like its hot and ASSUME THE POSITION! <=== bent knees before the Lord that is! ===> I'm at a point in my life where I need to seek God on EVERYTHING like right NOW but as a Christian we should already be doing that...right?

I need to assume the position of mother, sister, friend and most importantly daughter of the Most High. I feel like I'm under serious pressure people! I am (under pressure in my mind) but right now my main focus is my position as Gods beloved and mother to Aiden Josiah.

I know what God called me to do and I have been going through these test to prepare me, one in particular which I have yet to pass *deep sigh* . I go through so that when God brings me out, I can help the next person who goes through. I have been running from Him, even ignoring Him at times because I wanted to do what I wanted. In the times I have spent with God He has truly enlightened me on His word. Every time I try to go MY way I'm checked by Luke 12:48 and that freaks me out but lately my prospective is because God has shown me so much I NEED to step it up and assume the position <=== I'm being watched, it's people looking at me to see what I do. Imagine people basing Christ off of how you live because you claim yourself as His follower aka a Christian??? Whoa is that not major? I don't want my struggle to hinder anyone but to help...be assured that you are not alone, you are not the only one battling an issue and God is surely always there *praise break* I feel pressured knowing that if I fail or stumble it may cause someone else tostumble!!! YIKES I really don't want anyone following me because I need Jesus daily to help in my walk but He did call me to be a light to others ===> PRESSURE!!!  I can't speak for anybody else but I know better which means I need to do better and get in place.

What has God called you to do? Are you afraid? Are you running? What are you struggling with (have you taken it to God)? Remember people are always watching you especially on social media (Pray for me in that area, y'all know I will rant qik!) so if you know better do better. Maybe you might need to bend it on ova and ASSUME THE POSITION yourself.

Luke 12:48

But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few. For 
everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been 
committed, of him they will ask the more.

The Test I Halfway Passed

Can I be real!!!! I been struggling for about a good year with forgiving the father of my child's "friend" girlfriend or wateva they are calling each other. Long story real short I thought she was a friend but let her tell she wasn't even tho she came to my baby shower, the hospital after I had Aiden, baby sat, hugged me everytime she saw me and blah blah BLAH! Yea I have had dreams of hurting her and every ungodly thought you can think!!! I wanted her to feel the pain that her lies and betrayal caused me ANYHOW moving forward (or trying to at least) ===> 

Occasionally I pray for her when I'm not cursing her and I pray for myself that I'll forgive her truly because we share the same friends one special friend in particular. At times I've thought that I had forgiven her but I always said I will know when I see her cuz I hadn't seen her since I cursed her out (yea I had a moment...HECK i had several moments). 

So I'm on the way to our mutual friends birthday celebration to get my skate on and on the way I was talking to God and praying about Him strengthening me and asked Him to help me forgive "her" fareal , fareal.  I had a great time skating!!!!! But I'll be darn if the test didn't come 2 hours lata (I was like c'mon God like right now...) and "she" showed up afterwards at the restaurant! I WAS PISSED instantaneously! I wanted to run up and slap da spit out her mouth <====I'm being real y'all is that alright...this my blog! So I was ready to go cuz in my mind it was going down but in my heart I knew God wouldn't be pleased but I was trying to ignore Him (y'all just don't KNOW ooh).

I got on my phone to call anybody that I could to talk to. Y'all know I had all bars and a 3G but nothing was going through and my text weren't going through <=== like tried SEVERAL times, I knew that was God so I told Him it was funny...He didn't care. I like to think He was up there laughing saying " but daughter this is what you just asked me for, do you not like answered prayer". *show of hands real high anybody Daddy ever aggravate them?!*

Soooo being that everybody there was saved, sanctified, fire baptized and filled with the Holiest of Ghost they kept me level headed and helped me take a step towards a breakthrough that I know will one day ===> sooner than later i hope cuz right now I DON'T LIKE "her" ugh hefa.

So our special friends fiancé and my cousin came out and chewed me out IN LOVE he told me all the way off about letting it go and not giving "her" power and to not talk crazy and some other stuff....he went off on me...in love but it really helped after I let it penetrate my hot ears. Ooh I was mad! Ugh. 

I halfway passed the test and here is why ====> I actually went in and sat at the same table "she" was sitting at but we sat at completely opposite sides <==== for me that is major!!!! I never wanted to EVA share the same breathing space wit "her" but I love our mutual friend a lot tho and know ima have to see "her" sometimes b/c of that.....UGH. I failed because I was hostile, I stared and glared and dared "her" to look at me so I could ask "her" what the HECK she was looking at? She didn't look my way until the end which prompted me to tell her NOT to look at me. In that moment I gratified my flesh but it could been a lot worse.

After it was all over my calls started going through.....

Idk what nobody say it was a small step for me, heck ima call it a small victory cuz I jus wanted to slap "her" but I thank God for people in my life that love me enough to want me to do better for God and myself...I really appreciate them!!! One day I will past the test completely until then readers...pray for me! 

[this happened two days ago and aI can just hear Mrs.Williams in my head..if you get a 50% on the test you still fail...UGH <=== i know ima have retake the test again sooner...again pray for me]

Lonely Ain't Alone

Alright folks transitioning into transparency ===> ok now that my invisibility cloak is on I been struggling wit loneliness. It's been on and off and it's been ANNOYING. FRUSTRATING. AGGRAVATING. <==== these very feelings is how people have been making me feel in this phase of my life. 

I get annoyed by the happy mushy lovey dovey couples who display there affections publicly reminding me of how extra single I am [longing for companionship but yet afraid and not ready <=== that's blog worthy...note to self]. 

I get frustrated with my extra busy associates, acquaintances and few friends because it seems like they are never around or concerned until they see me fuss'n, buss'n, and cuss'n on social media. I have to set meetings to meet with my friends what the WHAT? Oh I feel like I'm always initiating the hang outs, phone calls and text...like if I didn't do that would I hear from anyone????? <====that makes me wana say "TA heck with all ah ya!!!!" BUT I know isolating myself would make me an angry bird so I deal with the poop. 

Aggravated by these no good, two timing, lying, cheating, inconsiderate, immature boys pretending to be men ( being over dramatic, I was in the moment) but really tho' i get aggravated by guys who feel they need to gas me up [boost my head for the socially challenged]...I don't need that I need someOne thats going to be genuine and respectful of my mind and body. "let's just be friends"....LET'S so DON'T TOUCH ME....what kinda friend?! ugh LIES LIES LIES <=== whoa apparently that's blog worthy too, note to self 

I was looking up a few things on loneliness and one site said it's a feeling (and boi do I know about feelings, I be ALL IN) of separation from, God, people and self. So which one is my problem? You guessed it! All of the above <==== you just won a brand new car!!!!! SYKE! Sooooo clearly people are my issue but my main concern is God and self right now. I feel like I'm in this state for a reason like God wants me to become fully dependent on him and not people which is why everybody kinda falling of involuntarily but I don't like it but who am I to argue wit God HA! 

The very thing I'm looking for in people God wants to provide....*crickets*  this is rough tough and uncomfortable. I feel He wants me to Himself to perfect and abstract somethings as well as get me to love and know myself. But leave it to me to be hard headed and running and putting on head phones while God is tryna tell me something for my good. 

I'm saying on a daily I jus wana be loved

                                                        And He says but I've always loved you 

I'm saying I need to get to know more people

                                                       And He says get to know Me 

I'm saying nobody is ever available

                                                       And He says I'm always Here and have been

Lonely but never alone...my struggle, anybody relate?

"Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:20 NLT)

Clearly it's all in my head

What the WHAT?!?!

Ugh here we go again....betta yet here I go again with the back and forth, the inconsistency SPIRITUALLY! Y'all Candi is going thru which is why I  have NOT been comminting. I was tweeting w/ @Shedabeda and @ShantiKWright about what I am calling a transitional phase HECK might as well call it a re-re-REtransitional phase cuz I have been here and back around the track a few times ===> INCONSITENCY<==== with God, school, career goals, family, friends..you name it.

I am in a state of I DONT KNOW...I am CONFUSED about ever-re-thang which further confuses me. Truth be told I been running from God and what he told me to do...not do.

Have you ever tried running from someONE who was ever-re-where???? doesn't quite work out...

I see so many people who profess Christianity but they are apple bearing orange trees..huh? yea crazy right? I myself have slipped back into doing exactly what I had stopped doing and God has been checking me on it and I have been playing stupid like I don't know betta...2 Peter 2:21 ate me up!!! (That along w/ some other refreshers that were sent my way)

2 Peter 2:21 NLT It would be better if they had never known the way to righteousness than to know it and then reject the command they were given to live a holy life.

When I first started blogging I was trying to find my way and be different I was going to be different and witty and make everybody laugh and that has been going pretty well. Honestly when I first was introduced to blogging by @Sh_Speaks I was thinking of how can I use this as a tool to please God...and then I just went and did what the heck I wanted to do BUT NOW im thinking....how can I use this as a tool to please God? <=== i figured nobody wanted to hear about God because usually when i rant on social media I get the most responses OH but let me talk about God and crickets show up and silence the masses! WELL APPARENTLY God isn't giving up on me (pre'sh8 that Lord) or His idea for me...He asked me why I'm not using my writing talent for Him? and that's when the crickets re-appeared...*I still have yet to answer His question*

anybody else eva get cleared by God or does He just tell me off *looks around...c'mon show of hands LOL!*

Yea so I am asking my sweet readers to stay with me on this journey there will be some changes coming soon BUT I know you'll love it tho cuz I'm still gone be Xtra cuz thats all I know how to be baby baby!!! I just want to talk about what matters like God and also share some of my battles and be Xtra real wit y'all in hopes that it can help at least one person. I will still be pointing out the foolishness my eyes partake in but I'm gong to take a different approach...or try to at least. :-) love ya'll