The Test I Halfway Passed

Can I be real!!!! I been struggling for about a good year with forgiving the father of my child's "friend" girlfriend or wateva they are calling each other. Long story real short I thought she was a friend but let her tell she wasn't even tho she came to my baby shower, the hospital after I had Aiden, baby sat, hugged me everytime she saw me and blah blah BLAH! Yea I have had dreams of hurting her and every ungodly thought you can think!!! I wanted her to feel the pain that her lies and betrayal caused me ANYHOW moving forward (or trying to at least) ===> 

Occasionally I pray for her when I'm not cursing her and I pray for myself that I'll forgive her truly because we share the same friends one special friend in particular. At times I've thought that I had forgiven her but I always said I will know when I see her cuz I hadn't seen her since I cursed her out (yea I had a moment...HECK i had several moments). 

So I'm on the way to our mutual friends birthday celebration to get my skate on and on the way I was talking to God and praying about Him strengthening me and asked Him to help me forgive "her" fareal , fareal.  I had a great time skating!!!!! But I'll be darn if the test didn't come 2 hours lata (I was like c'mon God like right now...) and "she" showed up afterwards at the restaurant! I WAS PISSED instantaneously! I wanted to run up and slap da spit out her mouth <====I'm being real y'all is that alright...this my blog! So I was ready to go cuz in my mind it was going down but in my heart I knew God wouldn't be pleased but I was trying to ignore Him (y'all just don't KNOW ooh).

I got on my phone to call anybody that I could to talk to. Y'all know I had all bars and a 3G but nothing was going through and my text weren't going through <=== like tried SEVERAL times, I knew that was God so I told Him it was funny...He didn't care. I like to think He was up there laughing saying " but daughter this is what you just asked me for, do you not like answered prayer". *show of hands real high anybody Daddy ever aggravate them?!*

Soooo being that everybody there was saved, sanctified, fire baptized and filled with the Holiest of Ghost they kept me level headed and helped me take a step towards a breakthrough that I know will one day ===> sooner than later i hope cuz right now I DON'T LIKE "her" ugh hefa.

So our special friends fiancé and my cousin came out and chewed me out IN LOVE he told me all the way off about letting it go and not giving "her" power and to not talk crazy and some other stuff....he went off on me...in love but it really helped after I let it penetrate my hot ears. Ooh I was mad! Ugh. 

I halfway passed the test and here is why ====> I actually went in and sat at the same table "she" was sitting at but we sat at completely opposite sides <==== for me that is major!!!! I never wanted to EVA share the same breathing space wit "her" but I love our mutual friend a lot tho and know ima have to see "her" sometimes b/c of that.....UGH. I failed because I was hostile, I stared and glared and dared "her" to look at me so I could ask "her" what the HECK she was looking at? She didn't look my way until the end which prompted me to tell her NOT to look at me. In that moment I gratified my flesh but it could been a lot worse.

After it was all over my calls started going through.....

Idk what nobody say it was a small step for me, heck ima call it a small victory cuz I jus wanted to slap "her" but I thank God for people in my life that love me enough to want me to do better for God and myself...I really appreciate them!!! One day I will past the test completely until then readers...pray for me! 

[this happened two days ago and aI can just hear Mrs.Williams in my head..if you get a 50% on the test you still fail...UGH <=== i know ima have retake the test again sooner...again pray for me]