Lonely Ain't Alone

Alright folks transitioning into transparency ===> ok now that my invisibility cloak is on I been struggling wit loneliness. It's been on and off and it's been ANNOYING. FRUSTRATING. AGGRAVATING. <==== these very feelings is how people have been making me feel in this phase of my life. 

I get annoyed by the happy mushy lovey dovey couples who display there affections publicly reminding me of how extra single I am [longing for companionship but yet afraid and not ready <=== that's blog worthy...note to self]. 

I get frustrated with my extra busy associates, acquaintances and few friends because it seems like they are never around or concerned until they see me fuss'n, buss'n, and cuss'n on social media. I have to set meetings to meet with my friends what the WHAT? Oh I feel like I'm always initiating the hang outs, phone calls and text...like if I didn't do that would I hear from anyone????? <====that makes me wana say "TA heck with all ah ya!!!!" BUT I know isolating myself would make me an angry bird so I deal with the poop. 

Aggravated by these no good, two timing, lying, cheating, inconsiderate, immature boys pretending to be men ( being over dramatic, I was in the moment) but really tho' i get aggravated by guys who feel they need to gas me up [boost my head for the socially challenged]...I don't need that I need someOne thats going to be genuine and respectful of my mind and body. "let's just be friends"....LET'S so DON'T TOUCH ME....what kinda friend?! ugh LIES LIES LIES <=== whoa apparently that's blog worthy too, note to self 

I was looking up a few things on loneliness and one site said it's a feeling (and boi do I know about feelings, I be ALL IN) of separation from, God, people and self. So which one is my problem? You guessed it! All of the above <==== you just won a brand new car!!!!! SYKE! Sooooo clearly people are my issue but my main concern is God and self right now. I feel like I'm in this state for a reason like God wants me to become fully dependent on him and not people which is why everybody kinda falling of involuntarily but I don't like it but who am I to argue wit God HA! 

The very thing I'm looking for in people God wants to provide....*crickets*  this is rough tough and uncomfortable. I feel He wants me to Himself to perfect and abstract somethings as well as get me to love and know myself. But leave it to me to be hard headed and running and putting on head phones while God is tryna tell me something for my good. 

I'm saying on a daily I jus wana be loved

                                                        And He says but I've always loved you 

I'm saying I need to get to know more people

                                                       And He says get to know Me 

I'm saying nobody is ever available

                                                       And He says I'm always Here and have been

Lonely but never alone...my struggle, anybody relate?

"Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:20 NLT)

Clearly it's all in my head