I have been single for awhile now *rolls eyes* , it use to be easy for me to not entertain what Heather Lindsey calls a random [a person you KNOW you'll never marry but you date them to fill a void because you are lonely or bored]. I was always around my girls or going to some function. The Christian functions became few and people started falling off and getting boo'd up or just to busy to hang out. AND THEN cuffing/wedding season hit! ugh. Cuffing season became my open season because I became vul-ner-able...I wanted attention too...I wanted a boo...I wanted to be around some testosterone...I wanted to be caking on the phone all day...it was just sickening...JUST...SICKENING!
So watching everyone be all lovie dovey on social media and all in my face it made the loneliness that I had been suppressing surface...or re-surface. My saved friends were busy and nobody was getting together unless I just didn't get the memo so I started "finding my own way" going back "out" hitting the club scene, trying to meet new "fun" people. <=== this opened up the door to randoms which started knocking on the door of compromise.
I was giving out my number to randoms left and right even when I had a gut feeling that it wouldn't go anywhere soooo they usually got cut from the team almost immediately.
Ah but there is this one...he isn't a normal random per se because I know him but then again do you really know a person (ok I'm being too much, lol) This one is a sweetheart, handsome and educated. If I need some attention he is good for it, he listens and I enjoy his company. Sigh. Single, lone, random...compromise. I am too attracted to this man that a lot of times I have to run from him because I know me and this flesh. I have fallen by the wayside to this man and have to get up, dust myself off and get missing. So many great qualities but yet the most important for me is not there. We are not on the same level spiritually. I need someone that is going to walk with me...press towards Jesus not cause me to stumble and be cool wit it. I want to be with someone that follows Christ and not just professes to but you can see it in his daily life. Someone who protects my body.
Like I can't get this dude off my mind but I know that even though he is good he isn't good for me. And then I ask myself why am I attracted to him? Is it because I am single? Lonely? I know for sure he isn't the one for me and that there are a lot of qualities that he lacks that I need...so why compromise? Why waste time?
I don't have those answers just yet but what I do know is that I love God more than a temporary fix of a man that isn't interested in my walk with Christ. As painful sometimes and as lonely as this time in my life may be I have to make the decision to not compromise and to trust God.
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